"Greetings, gentle readers,
Many of you have shown a wisdom beyond your scant years by calling on my counsel in matters of manner, decorum, and etiquette in this ever-changing world. Fear not, you loyal, for Millicent shall steer you from the wide path of barbarism to the good road of civility!
In my day, the Defence of Honor was taken with a profound gravity. In fact, the offence of dishonouring a gentleman was so great that it often led to bloodshed in the form of a duel.
Dishonouring a lady was settled with a tire-iron.
The gentleman's duel was an engagement of combat between men of a certain status- the Poor, it is widely known, do not have Honor. If a nobleman were to suffer an indignity dealt by a man of lower class, say, being called a brigand by a pennystinkard in the presence of clergy, he could simply order a robust servant to cane the provincial boor.
But if the same nobleman were called a rake by a fellow Count in the presence of the wet nurse, the nobleman must take up the pistol and proceed to mar the Count's visage with shot in an orderly and civilized manner lest his Good Name be sullied.
Remember Biff and Sully?It is my understanding that customs have changed since that elegant era, and now through the work of the shameless suffragettes and communist radicals in this country it has become unseemly and moreso illegal for men of refined society to shoot one another in the face for failing to stand when a lady is seated at the table.
As a modern alternative I defer to my relations in their young adulthood, who tell me that to duel in contemporary custom one must electrically correspond via 'X Box Live' in a simulacrum tournament of combat known as 'Halo 3.'
How dare you call me the Arbiter when I am in fact the Master Chief.
Though the magic lantern zoetrope frippery of 'videoed game-ing' is thoroughly 21st Century, the principles of dignity and vengeance remain the same. And so I call upon the youth to restore Honor to this age!
Do not begrudge being named a 'penniling lousehunt' without teabagging your opponent in a deathmatch!
Mock them for their inexperience as you unleash virtual hellfire!
Accuse them of being sodomites and buggerers as you frantically tap the knobs!
For the Defence of Honor!"
As a modern alternative I defer to my relations in their young adulthood, who tell me that to duel in contemporary custom one must electrically correspond via 'X Box Live' in a simulacrum tournament of combat known as 'Halo 3.'
How dare you call me the Arbiter when I am in fact the Master Chief.Though the magic lantern zoetrope frippery of 'videoed game-ing' is thoroughly 21st Century, the principles of dignity and vengeance remain the same. And so I call upon the youth to restore Honor to this age!
Do not begrudge being named a 'penniling lousehunt' without teabagging your opponent in a deathmatch!
Mock them for their inexperience as you unleash virtual hellfire!
Accuse them of being sodomites and buggerers as you frantically tap the knobs!
For the Defence of Honor!"
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