How Do I Love Thee?

The following list is pulled from a recent AIM battle for the best sentence that follows "How do I love thee?" Names have been removed to protect the innocent.

How do I love thee? Let me not count the ways but rather say "take my word for it."

How do I love thee? ...I'm sorry I really can't talk right now – my kitchen timer just went off and I don't want dinner to burn.

How do I love thee? fdjsffkkkkk You're breaking up! dkfsfsshhhhh I’m going into a tunnel!

How do I love thee? Enough to change my sheets.

How do I love thee? I would gladly leave my disfigured first wife who was wheelchair-bound until she learned to walk again after an unfortunate car accident for you.

How do I love thee? Are you sure you're late? Like, maybe it's just because you’ve been eating so much dairy or something... Pee on the stick again.

How do I love thee? I called you, didn't I?

How do I love thee? Up to and including 1.2 million dollars if I happen to have an affair that results in our divorce.

How do I love thee? Enough to call you a car service at 3am and give you 8 bucks for the fare. And try to be quiet, my roommate's asleep.

How do I love thee? I sent you TWO someecards for your birthday.

How do I love thee? I will makes you very happy with passions for kind American generous man to sponsor me for visiting family in America.

How do I love thee? Plastic Duane Reade roses and a Whitman's sampler just about covers it.

How do I love thee? Even though I went black I'm thinking about going back for you.

How do I love thee? I would kill for you.

How do I love thee? I don't.