Campaign here often? But now that he's elected, it's time to sit back and watch the miracles happen! Here are my predictions for the first six weeks of Obama's presidency.
1. World Peace.
We all know Barack is planning to personally fly over to Iraq, pick up all the US troops in his super-rad presidential helicopter, and deliver them back to the front stoops of their respective homes ASAP. And the rest of the world, reduced to enamored schoolgirls in Obama's wake, will call for a moratorium on all military actions!
Then everyone will hold hands across the globe and sing "Kumbayah."
Or, "Mister Mistoffelees"2. Socialist Health Care
I don't know about you, but I can't wait for my medical care to become subsidized by that most efficient of entities, the United States Government. If a trip to the doctor's office during an Obama presidency is anything like my trip to the polls yesterday, we're all in for a real treat.
There will be no long lines out the door...they'll find your name in their medical database right away...the MRI machine will work perfectly...and everyone will speak coherent English.
And it's going to be free! 100% free! For everyone! All the time! Eeeeeee!
4. No More Taxes
Although he didn't mention it in any of his campaign speeches, I have an inkling that Obama will do away with income taxes. It just seems like the right thing to do, doesn't it? Especially in this economic climate.
I, personally, am excited to stop paying taxes. And with all the time Barack will save from not having to count our tax dollars, he'll have time to implement wide-reaching social programs for our children, elderly, and veterans. That'll show John McCain, that tax-hungry Republican crazy.
5. Sasha and Malia Become the New Olsen Twins
No, not the present day, strung-out, fur-wearing, wrist-cutting Olsen twins. The cute, wholesome Mary-Kate and Ashley of the Full House years. Sasha and Malia are just too darn adorable to NOT star in their own series of direct-to-DVD kid's movies. And with Michelle's help, they could definitely design their own line of tween wear at H&M or Target.
They could even develop a strangely close relationship with Bob Saget, if necessary.
"Someday, let's turn crazy."
I don't know about you, but I can't wait for my medical care to become subsidized by that most efficient of entities, the United States Government. If a trip to the doctor's office during an Obama presidency is anything like my trip to the polls yesterday, we're all in for a real treat.
There will be no long lines out the door...they'll find your name in their medical database right away...the MRI machine will work perfectly...and everyone will speak coherent English.
And it's going to be free! 100% free! For everyone! All the time! Eeeeeee!
3. Gay Marriage
We all know that Obama only professed to be against gay marriage in order to win over moderate and conservative voters. He's GOT to believe in gay marriage. I mean, he has to. Right? Right?
And he's going to make it legal in all 50 states just as soon as Congress is back in session, right?
We all know that Obama only professed to be against gay marriage in order to win over moderate and conservative voters. He's GOT to believe in gay marriage. I mean, he has to. Right? Right?
And he's going to make it legal in all 50 states just as soon as Congress is back in session, right?
What's that? Proposition 8 just passed in California, revoking the rights of same-sex couples to marry?
"But Waldorf, you said this would be our year."
"But Waldorf, you said this would be our year."Although he didn't mention it in any of his campaign speeches, I have an inkling that Obama will do away with income taxes. It just seems like the right thing to do, doesn't it? Especially in this economic climate.
I, personally, am excited to stop paying taxes. And with all the time Barack will save from not having to count our tax dollars, he'll have time to implement wide-reaching social programs for our children, elderly, and veterans. That'll show John McCain, that tax-hungry Republican crazy.
5. Sasha and Malia Become the New Olsen Twins
No, not the present day, strung-out, fur-wearing, wrist-cutting Olsen twins. The cute, wholesome Mary-Kate and Ashley of the Full House years. Sasha and Malia are just too darn adorable to NOT star in their own series of direct-to-DVD kid's movies. And with Michelle's help, they could definitely design their own line of tween wear at H&M or Target.
They could even develop a strangely close relationship with Bob Saget, if necessary.
"Someday, let's turn crazy."
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5 comments:
Dear Ex-gifted Child,
After reading your post and discovering that Mr. Barack HUSEIN Obama has indeed clinched the 2008 Presidential Election, I was wondering what your thoughts were on his frightening Muslim i-dills?
I am concerned that as president he will make me:
-wear a turban,
-eat lentils,
-murder my cat,
-save the environment, and
-worship Satan.
Should I listen to my heart? i.e., do I join my local militia?
I'm so frightened and confused!
Dear Frightened and Confused,
Wow, I'm shocked that you composed such a delightful comment and then misspelled HUSSEIN. Oh well. We all have our moments!
Now, as to your question. As a turban-wearing, lentil-eating, cat-murdering, earth-loving, Satan-worshipping blogger, I'm slightly offended that you don't want to partake in my lifestyle.
Oh well...I don't want to partake in your word-misspelling lifestyle either. To each his or her own!
Love,
The Ex-Gifted Child
I especially like idea number 4. I have been waiting for someone smart enough to come along and repeal the federal income tax laws and do away with the over-burdening IRS. Thank god for Obama and his Harvard education! Now, if only he could make social security contributions voluntary, then we'd be onto something.
...and if he gave everyone free puppies!!!!!!!!!!!!
...and jelly beans when it is NOT easter!!!
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